she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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