He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
