Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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