He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
