The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
