just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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