Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
