He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
