Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
