Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
