It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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