someone threw a dead crab at me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
