I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
