I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
