You really coming over, don't trick.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
