Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
