I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
