does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
