Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
