I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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