Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Randomize
