my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
