she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think people are normalizing furries
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
