I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
