Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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