in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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