I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Randomize
