i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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