Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
