sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
