porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
