hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
