Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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