Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
