He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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