I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
