brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
