Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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