Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
