Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
