Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
