11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
