please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
