would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
