Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
