It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
