Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
