I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
