he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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