She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
