he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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