No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
