Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
it was like eating out sand paper
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
