Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
