im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
50% drunk capacity currently
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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