he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
