So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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