Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
