I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
