I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
