I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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